Posts tagged Life

For starters, allow me to restate something from my Twitter. It seems I’ve been looking down at the streets below for so long that I’d forgotten to look to the clouds above. And I’m disappointed in myself, because I’ve defiled my fervor for knowledge by holding it above others. While there are a number of places where I have not shown that side of me, there are a good many where I have acted harshly, treated others negatively instead of helping them to improve, merely because they did not meet the standards that I claimed to hold myself to. I apologize to the people who have had to see this side of me, and I hope that the rest never do. I am tired of staring at the streets, where I used to be. I am disgusted that it took me making a series of incredibly simple, ridiculous mistakes this afternoon to realize that I had allowed my ego to greatly surpass what is warranted, and allowed myself to fall into this rut that has been bothering me so much. I have allowed myself to drop to the point where I have not put the whole of myself into a task, including learning, and have instead merely picked at what I thought I wanted, without knowing it – in short, I have allowed myself to become the very thing that I loathe (forgive the cliche).

Here is a glimpse of what is to come, however:
It is time that I start running a tutorial series again. I don’t feel comfortable slipping back into the 2D game tutorial that I had run before, because much of it is inferior work, in my eyes. I want, instead, to write a series of tutorials going from the ground-up building a three-dimensional Pac-Man clone. This is something that doesn’t require any sort of amazing graphics skill, and is a great introduction to three-dimensional programming. I plan to have the tutorial use OGRE 3D for rendering purposes, and a number of other libraries – including SQLite (high score database), Squirrel (scripting for the ghosts), and OpenAL (Audio.. if you had to guess <3).

Second, I am going to start pushing work on my LCAR project when I return from the Oceanside area. It’s time I took to a project that required my learning, and growth of my knowledge. It’s not going to be anything amazing, graphically, but perhaps I’ll be able to turn that into a selling point, if I can morph it into something unique-looking with strange graphics shaders. At the very least, perhaps I can come up with some interesting things to throw into this almost neglected blog.

And finally, I am starting work on a two-dimensional, console-style role-playing game for the iPhone/iPod Touch. I don’t yet have an iPod Touch (and I don’t intend to get an iPhone), I do plan to get one at some point for the sake of this project. I also intend to get iTGB, which will be used for this project. This will be the first project that I have ever actually attempted to sell, and I’m going to be working overtime to make sure that this is worth every penny I charge for it. even if I only intend to charge approximately one-hundred pennies for it. D:

And so, in closing, it’s time for me to start accepting my life, and holding the results of my choices dear to me, even if they may not be to my liking. Most importantly, it is time for me to start pushing toward my goals. I fully intend to go to Casual Connect 2011, for my first attempt to pass. I’m nervous now, but one of my goals is to manage to overcome said feelings of foreboding, to conquer this fear of peoples’ opinions. It’s time that I allowed myself to flourish. No more hiding in the dark – I am here to stay.